


Delirium (Kim Namjoon/Reader)

by SimpleKpopStan



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Airplane Crashes, Distrust, F/M, False Memories, Mental Health Issues, Stranded
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-15
Updated: 2018-11-15
Packaged: 2019-08-24 01:28:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16630295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SimpleKpopStan/pseuds/SimpleKpopStan
Summary: Summary: Namjoon was on his way home after his study abroad in New Zealand, the flight was smooth up until near the halfway mark back to Korea. Engines were failing, the passengers feared the crash as the intimidating sight of endless blue appeared closer. Upon impact Namjoon and other survivors make their way to the nearby islands, from there the conditions grow dire, people are going under and there is nothing Namjoon can do about it. After a week on the island, he can’t help but let the hysteria get the best of him.





	Delirium (Kim Namjoon/Reader)

**Author's Note:**

> Warning(s)/etc.: mentions of hallucinations, false memories, loneliness, a near-death experience, angst, cringe humor near the start, sort of slow (it takes about 1.5k words to get somewhere), slightly younger Namjoon (hence his time in New Zealand), this is all over the place sorry, mentions of mental illness or religious beliefs however you want to interpret it (I do not believe religious beliefs are mental disorders or vice versa), fluff in certain parts 
> 
> Italics are from Namjoon’s POV, everything else is 3rd person 
> 
> A/N: This isn’t a love story, kind of like Castaway but you’re Wilson. Most warnings happen near the end. It gets kind of confusing and sort of hard to follow at the end. 
> 
> Song: Breathe Me - Sia (kind of inspired the ending) 
> 
> Word Count: 4615
> 
> Posted on my tumblr (simplekpopstan) 11/14

Economy had never been comfier, no whining children or usually flightless humans fumbling to retain their sanity while ten kilometers above solid ground. Namjoon slumped further into his cushioned seat, savoring the comfortable fabric to negate the frustrating lack of legroom. He yawned into the back of his hand as he felt the gentle lull of the plane rushing him into a peaceful slumber, hoping it would last the majority of the flight. Occasional bumps of turbulence rocking Namjoon slightly too far, briefly washing away his unconscious state. 

Namjoon was unceremoniously jolted from his seat as he felt a rather rough patch eject multiple passengers from their casual conversations and sleeping. “We will be heading into a great deal of turbulence, please do not be alarmed.” The co-pilot sounded calm to reassure the already panicking souls, a light of hope to dampen the darkness lingering just outside the aircraft. Glancing to his left Namjoon noticed a mother reassuring what he assumed to be her son, gently cooing to him about the happiness that would ensue once this was all over. Joon couldn’t help but sigh at their unnecessary nerves, planes had become one of the safest ways to travel. He was well aware of the stats, a plane crash was a one in eleven million chance - but he was still human, all his analytics would never remove his own seed of doubt. 

The guide lights flickered for a moment, a chorus of gasps filtered through the enclosed area. Even Namjoon couldn’t hide the irrational thoughts that had stricken his mind, but everything was okay - everything was always okay. The crew was professionals, they could figure this out with a snap of their fingers. Flight attendants seeped into the economy area, hushing passengers who nearly passed out from the mere notion of an unplanned descent into the icy blue far beneath them. “How many times have you flown?” Namjoon was taken aback by the soft voice so close to his ear, had someone been sitting there the whole time? 

The girl next to him managed to move her neck before his quick movements caused a head-on collision. “I didn’t mean to startle you.” She couldn’t help but chuckle at his slack-faced look, observing as he regained his bearings. “Did I give you whiplash?” Namjoon pushed himself up from his laid back position, meeting the being next to him eye-to-eye - he would have remembered someone like this from the start of the flight maybe begin a conversation with intentions beyond friendship. First impressions are key, get it together. “I...I - have you been sitting here the whole time?” Bad start. “I mean it’s a shame I haven’t noticed you before, we could’ve been having quite the chat right about now.” Nice save, idiot. She smiled at his fumbling words, savoring every second that he couldn’t attain a comfortable position sitting beside her.

“Hm, what would we be talking about right now? Ya know, if you had opened your eyes and turned left a little?” He could already feel himself playing into the flirty lilt in her sugary tone, his dreamland was looking directly back at him. “We’d be talking about whatever you want.” Yeah, appeal to what she likes - that’s the right course of action. Her expression changed for a moment, the smirk that had marred her overly innocent features disappeared to a pleasant grin. “Really? You, some random guy on an airplane would listen to anything I feel like talking about? What a dreamboat.” Her hands clasped together to mimic dramatic swooning, “You must be very popular.” A few giggles escaped her lips while her hands lingered in their position of love-struck stupor, letting the feeling linger a moment longer. 

He loved everything she did even in the most unromantic location, the over-exaggerated dramatics brought him to his own lips letting out a few unabashed snickers. “Before we get married, maybe I should learn your name? You know for legal purposes.” Namjoon was beyond embarrassing gestures as he opened his phone notes to a document labeled as ‘Airplane Marriage License’. “Oh, I guess.” A hand rose to her cheeks to cover her slightly tinted flesh, “(Y/N), but I’d also like to know the name of my airplane husband.” His agile fingers briskly typed in her first name glancing at the vacant surname spot. “Namjoon, but I’ll need your last name unless of course, you’d like to take mine right away.” His coy tone was accompanied by a wink to punctuate his intentions. (Y/N) easily removed the device from his larger hands, typing her surname into the waiting line. “That’ll have to wait for another time I suppose.” She casually blew him a kiss while handing the phone back over. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The harsh winds and lack of visibility were beyond the experience of both the pilot and co-pilot, their concern was growing by the minute. “We have to land this plane, there’s no way we can keep it steady.” The co-pilot sighed into his sleeve as he glanced over the radar screen, there was no hope for anything aside from a water landing and frankly, they were no Sully. Another set of jostles wracked the aircraft, lights flickering once again - the outcome of all hell breaking loose becoming more imminent as the winds continued to pick up. “We’re going to lose a turbine if we continue, there has to be something we can do.” Shaking his head the pilot continued to look at the radar, needing any suitable piece of land to land this craft - yet nothing was in sight. “I’ll figure it out okay? We’re going to get out of this alive, every soul on this plane is going to live.” Wishful thinking, to say the least, the probability of surviving a crash a was around ninety-percent but a water landing would lead to deaths from natural factors rather than the impact. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Giggling filtered through the economy cabin slightly too loud for the other drowsy passengers, Namjoon and (Y/N) were enveloped in their own world - enjoying a flight with the company that would have instead been a lonely eleven hours. “You’ve made this so much better, I really enjoy having you around.” His cheek-hurting smile was blinding, he was incandescently happy. “Since we’re going to the same place maybe we could stay connected? Only if you’d like that of course.” The dull lights flickered before she could answer, another round of ominous thoughts and whispers passing amongst the conscious passengers. This shouldn’t be happening, we should’ve made it out of that storm hours ago. “What do you think is going on?” Her mildly concerned voice drifted toward him, awakening an itch to wash away her worries - but could he really neigh-say something that was always present in the back of his mind? 

Another rumble shook the entirety of the craft, people were beginning to worry and the flight attendants were beyond swamped. “It’s just the storm everything will be alright.” His hand lingered near her fingers, contemplating the idea of clasping them together. Before he could ponder the thought any longer (Y/N) placed her hand in his, grasping just a bit too hard - demonstrating the high amount of stress these happenings had caused. Namjoon tested his boundaries deciding to move his unoccupied hand to place lone strands behind her ear, contemplating which words of comfort to spit out. He could see her pupils dilate and then return to normal as the aisle lights continued to flicker which caused a new round of panicked uproars. “Hey, look at me okay? It’s just a little malfunction, the pilots are professionals they’ll get it figured out.” Her small, hesitant nod unsettled Namjoon, he needed someone to support him as well. Frankly, his fear was eating him alive but what good would it do? The lights flickered for a final time before an eerie silence filled the structure. 

Bang! The first turbine clattered before a cacophony of mechanical noises removed the silence of the cabin, then the worst feeling fell into the pit of every passenger's stomach. The statistics were no longer in their favor, they were descending to a blue world that was far from forgiving. Masks dropped from the upper compartment as everyone scrambled to place them around their heads, white-knuckled clutches hanging onto the masks to forget the situation at hand. Flight attendants were heard throughout the aircraft, all attempting to hold onto any semblance of order while encouraging passengers to put on their lifejackets. The voice of a male employee penetrated the anxious mix of screams and whispers to inform passengers of the inevitable, “We are-”. The abrupt static sound cut off the attendant as the plane drastically fell from its altitude, there was hardly enough time before the craft was reaching the point of pressure sickness with its far too quick descent. Namjoon knew better, if he didn’t die from the severe pressure sickness he would die from the crash - in all honesty that was what he wanted, the odds of crashing in the ocean and surviving were, unfortunately, unlikely. 

People were flighty in the wrong sense by this point, they all resembled a chicken with its head cut-off, everyone was hopeless. Namjoon was oddly silent, he knew that the helpless feeling swimming in his gut was not going away - the least he could do was hold the hand of the woman next to him and pray for the best outcome. He could feel (Y/N)’s forehead leaning into his shoulder attempting to blot out the cries of the souls around them, his clothed skin faintly registering the salty tears drenching his sleeve. If she was falling apart next to him then there truly was no reason to hold on to his senseless hope - death was his next stop. Namjoon continued in his own personal world, finding the fond memories that kept him a good soul appearing to lighten his mood. He thought about the first time he watched Friend’s and how it progressed to him even learning English. His first everything came to mind, the first day of school, first day at the beach, first kiss. All the things that were light and benevolent whisked through his mind, giving him a picture of what he had and had not done in his short life. His eyes wandered to the form next to him again, looking both horrified and stricken with her own memories. Namjoon couldn’t help but be happy that he met one last person before his departure, someone that had the same fate as him - the unlucky chance of a plane crash. It was oddly poetic when he dabbled into it a bit further, meeting someone, proclaiming them your airplane wife and then proceeding to crash into an endless, azure ocean together. What a love story. The build-up of stress finally took over his consciousness, pulling him to a world of darkness to avoid the pain of actualization. Namjoon passed out before the screams and shouts of passengers reached their peak, crashing wasn’t so bad when the consequences had already been accepted from the start. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Namjoon was surprised to find himself plastered to a sandy beach of an unfamiliar area, he wasn’t exactly sure if they were pleasant or hell in disguise. His back ached from what he assumed was the impact, his dry eyes scanned the environment around him - the landscape was oddly tropical and dense. A soft groan penetrated his ears, Namjoon snapped his head to the left - finding the person he was overly excited to see alive and well. Mouth dry and filled with grains of sand Namjoon found his voice no more than a croak as he called her name. “(Y/N).” His pained body struggled to reach her position on the dry earth his scraped hands pushed against her uninjured skin, prodding to rouse her from the groggy trance. Again Namjoon found himself with a feeling of failure within his soul, nothing was going to get him off this island especially with his lack of survival experiences and now he had someone else to take care of. 

(Y/N) more or less shot up from her resting spot she looked nearly as bewildered as Namjoon once she scanned over her body to find not even a glimpse of a wound while his skin appeared to have gone to war in the past hour. “Hey, (Y/N)? Okay?” His voice wavered in her head, nothing was coming through clearly - the disorientation led to her faltered verbal responses. Restarting a sentence multiple times to just frustratedly giving up and nodding her affirmation. Even Namjoon lacked further communication his thoughts were thrumming with the mystery of how he managed to avoid drowning when they crashed. Didn't I pass out? Whatever doesn’t matter now. I have to get off this island. “Namjoon?” She sounded angelic compared to his hoarse tone, her skin held it’s pristine appearance along with the amount of composure that radiated from her being boggled Namjoon’s mind. Hell, maybe it wasn’t him getting them off this area, just her alone would fix all his problems. 

With all these theories and ideas buzzing through his head Namjoon had managed to fight off the hysterics for a longer period than he first believed possible. But all good things come to an end, his flight or fight response had finally registered the slow lull of his heart flying to life to send him into an anxious overdrive. This newfound adrenaline forced him to jolt to standing, even able to begin frantically pacing the expanse of the beach. “God, we’re going to die here. There’s nowhere someone could survive on this island. I bet we aren’t even under a real flight pattern. Oh my god.” His hands ran through his hair, messing up the already sand caked strands. “(Y/N)! What are we going to do? God!” Namjoon’s fear shifted dramatically, his resounding doubts turning into complete unadulterated anger. His vigorous kicks met the sand almost reaching the ferocity that could knock him down. 

“Namjoon, you’re not helping. Just shut up for a while.” Her snappy response brought him mostly to his senses, his gobsmacked reaction gave (Y/N) a minuscule victory when it came to returning to normalcy. “If you keep acting like an idiot then guess what? We’re never getting off this island.” He was entranced by the calm that enveloped her tone, it made him feel slightly better about their rather unfortunate situation. After their mini tirades, Namjoon decided to take in his surroundings thoroughly expecting that maybe his analytical side would take over. Everything was gorgeous if he were on a planned vacation to this island he would be over the moon. But there was something he found peculiar, there were no other survivors on this island, in fact, the shore lacked any sign of a crash, no debris. 

“(Y/N)? Did you not notice something?” Her starry eyes reflected sun as she swiveled her head around the island, taking in the lack of humanity around them. “Maybe we just got swept up in a current and ended up here, you know? A riptide?” Namjoon couldn’t hold back the unattractive snort that passed through him, she was ridiculous - no tide would push them this distance from the crash site without dragging them down. “You’re insane. We would be twenty-thousand leagues under the sea if we were hit by any tide or rogue wave. For god’s sake, use your head.” Pretentious, pretentious, pretentious. Is now really the time for you to pump up your ego? She whipped away from him, proceeding to walk to the opposite side of the landmass - any place was better than standing next to this jerk. “Come on (Y/N). I’m just stressed out!” Her back continued away from him, body swaying like the ocean next to them. “(Y/N)! You need me. Maybe not to actually live but for moral. Give me a chance, alright?” His words got caught in his throat near the end of his sentiment - he needed the moral, the support. God did he hope that she held the same belief. Pausing for a moment (Y/N) contemplated her options either run-off on her own and presumably die or stay with a random guy who seemed mildly unbalanced. The scale tilted toward the latter, “Fine, Namjoon I’ll stay on this side of the island with you but I swear to God if you cross me you’re-” she ran her horizontally along the front of her neck, a silent threat that had Namjoon internally grinning. 

Their night passed undisturbed except for the unnatural sounds radiating from the epicenter of the island along with the faint grumbles of empty stomachs. Namjoon leaned his head to the side attempting to catch a glance at the girl next to him, maybe she had some luck when it came to drifting off. She was wide awake. “(Y/N)?” Lightly whispered he still managed to call her attention. “Do you think we’re really going to get off this island?” Her soft eyes peered through the dark, looking straight to his soul. “I know we will. I’m sure of it.” She was dazzling sitting there, glancing at him nonchalantly while he attempted to meet her every stare. “Thank you.” (Y/N) snapped her head up from its spot against the tree trunk, “For?” she tilted her head to enhance her confusion. “For staying with me.” His eyes continued to meet hers, appearing to look directly at the center of his current universe. 

Namjoon found himself waking up multiple times during the night or rather just coming to after short periods of resting his eyes. His vision was bleary, lacking its usual rejuvenated beauty rest - he could feel something crawling up the length of his arm. “Shit!” His speed was far from that of someone who was exhausted, “Get it off!” (Y/N) grabbed his arm may be a little rougher than intended, earning her a whiny shout from the male jumping around like an idiot. “Calm down, that was my hand for God’s sake.” He paused to point an accusing finger in her direction, trying his best to avoid the urge to join in on her gleeful laughing. If this was in any other situation he would be so glad to meet someone like her, but this wasn’t a movie they were probably going to die together on this island. The thought was like a fly too fast to be swatted away and always around to be bothersome. I guess I’ll make the most of it. 

“(Y/N)!” Namjoon had been surveying the surrounding forest at any chance that they could find easy meals or even clean water, yeah right. “Did you find anything?” Shuffling from the thin canopy brought him to a coconut tree, “(Y/N)?” His fingers clasped around the surprisingly small trunk giving it a careless shake, expecting an animal or a Jurassic sized insect. Namjoon had looked away from the tree easily becoming bored by the lack of response. His search for his new island mate continued to bring him further into the parts of the landscape he had decided in advance to avoid in fear of the unknown. “Hey, this isn’t funny!” Coarse, his vocal cords had been giving out on him since the night before. 

“Over here!” (Y/N)s voice resounded through the bleak area of the island sending Namjoon beyond the line he had already drawn to avoid the lack of sunlight. “I think I found something you might like.” He adored the lilt to her voice when she was sure of her intentions, he was glad to have someone so positive pressing for his survival. Upon finding her halfway up a tree he deemed unsafe, his legs carried him at an inhuman pace - expending his dwindling energy. “(Y/N) get down from there. For the love of God, you really think I can fend for myself if you fall and die?” Soft chuckles filtered down from the canopy as a female body barely landed on her feet safely, Namjoon was quick to her support placing either of his hands on her sides. “Be careful, will you?” 

She scoffed at his unnecessary worries, “At least I have the right thing on my mind, you know - food.” Hands rose to chest level revealing a decent amount of wild fruits and a coconut they would have little to no chance of cracking open. “It’s not much but it will get us through tonight.” Her smile dazzled him to a stupor of unresponsive nods. 

Three days had passed since an edible morsel was found for either castaway. Threats of dehydration and lack of strength were beginning to reach its peak, yet they still held on to their fraying strings of possible rescue. The pair found themselves back in the spot they had first begin, sitting side-by-side rambling about anything to brighten the already sweltering day. 

“You know that scene in the Pirates of the Caribbean? The one where Elizabeth Swann and Jack Sparrow are stuck on the island, get drunk and have an awesome time?” Namjoon swallowed the thick saliva covering the interior of his mouth, attempting to distract himself from a pounding headache that felt similar to a wave. “I wish we were in a movie, you and I would be off this island by now,” his chuckles were dry and flat, humor was far from his mind. 

“Maybe we are, alternative reality or something,” (Y/N)s only task was to lighten his load, push him to continue living even with the prospect of the grim reaper knocking on his door. His chuckles continued some nearing the line of hysterics as his mind attempted to wrap around the idea she posed. 

“Then why do I feel like this?” his hand that had been caked in dirt made a home on the flat plane of his chest, directly over the soft lull of his heart. “I feel like I’m dying and there’s nothing I can do about it,” her lips shifted to a grin as the faint whir of a helicopter penetrated the air around them.

“You won’t be feeling like that for long, you’ll be safe. Then I’ll have to meet you somewhere else, with a different problem and I’ll be there with the solution you need,” Namjoons brows quirked at her sentiment, too far gone to register her words into any folder of his brain. His voice faltered each time he motioned his lips to formulate anything coherent. Chapped and coarse lips neared the side of his head, reaching level with his ear. “I tried my best to keep you alive, please stay awake a little longer.” His conscious was slipping once the rescue team sent down their responders, with all the blurry images rushing through his peripherals he could only keep his eyes on the body lying next to him. Her breathing was nearly nonexistent but no one stopping to check on her, they all focused on him. Prodding and poking his rough skin to pull him from his torpor. 

His hoarse tone called to the girl left on the shore, a broken mantra of “What about her,” and the occasional “Why are you leaving her behind,” even upon his placement on a gurney within the helicopter his worries and nonsensical mumbling were ceaseless. 

“Please,” his voice cracked for the umpteenth time as he felt the stirrings of the propeller gaining speed, “she’s still back there, please.” Namjoons pleas were met with somber features and fleeting glances. How could tell him no one else survived the crash, he had been alone on that island for six days. Tiredness and overexertion dissipated in his body, leading him to flounder and scream about the girl who was, as they all assumed, only a figment of his imagination. His outburst forced the rescue teams hand, sedating the delirious male to avoid any further mental damage. 

Seven days. One-hundred and sixty-eight hours. It was the time Namjoon spent losing his mind in a mental ward, everyone refused to believe his ‘wild story’. (Y/N) was a memory that no one trusted, the doctors, the nurses, his mother all labeled his recollection as a coping mechanism. The headlines upon his discovery always said only one survivor, no signs of the plane or the one-hundred and twenty other passengers. He was compared to that of a walking miracle, this random man just happened to be on the good side of karma. But his heart was throbbing, Namjoon spent every waking minute asking for the list of passengers. Her name would be immediately recognizable, it had to be - he wrote it on the back of his hand every day. The scribblings always brought memories to the front of his mind, they all led him to the conclusion that (Y/N) had been a part of his life forever. He could vividly remember seeing someone just like her in Auckland, on the bus, in the metro, in his classes. She was everywhere. 

“Mom please do this one thing for me, okay? I need that passenger list,” he was beyond desperate, his psyche was pulling further from sanity. Mrs. Kim could only nod her affirmation, barely able to control her emotions as she witnessed the fragile state of her eldest child. 

Mrs. Kim found herself dialing the number of a private investigator rather than the airline, she needed a professional to get this done for her. She was unsure of the confidentiality of the list and was only attempting to do her best for her son. 

It turned into an underhand dealing to say the least, her private investigator had to fight tooth and nail to get the passenger list - even then it was not publicly allowed to be known of the handlings of the crucial crash information. But she found herself at peace when she witnessed the spark it lit in Namjoon upon the list arriving in his hands, all she hoped for was for him to move on once he realized that this was just his mind playing tricks on him. 

“You tampered with this didn’t you?” His hands shook with the amount of rage and utter sorrow that was catching up to him, he could not believe this. They were lying, they had to be - there was no other explanation for this. “Mom, how could you do this to me?” Her name was nowhere to be seen, but she was there. He saw here with his own two eyes, she helped keep him alive. (Y/N) wasn’t a figment of his imagination, she was the seam that held him together when his will was tearing. The copied paper tore under his harsh grasp, easily being demolished at his outburst. “She was there mom, she’s been in my life forever,” he couldn’t stop his nails from digging into his wrist out of a newly founded habit, “you’re playing tricks on me,” quickly passed his lips. 

Mrs. Kim felt her stomach lurch at the accusation, leading her to reach out to calm her sons frantic behavior. “Honey, you know I would never do that to you,” her aging hands brushed through tufts of his hair, relishing in the normalcy of the action. “You have to come to your senses,” the tone was gentle and lulled him to a mild state of panic, he was a crash landing somewhere far off from the other worldly island where he truly got to know (Y/N). Namjoon desperately need a saving grace now more than ever, he knew his guardian angel would come around again. Maybe not the present but she would come back for him someday.


End file.
